I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
