She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
