so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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