i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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