Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
