Just cropdusted the office
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
