apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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