Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
