I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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