Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
worst night to have a conscience
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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