thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
