just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
