Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your penis caused this!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
