You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize