I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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