He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
