she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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