I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
