Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
