I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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