i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
