Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize