I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
