well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drake has all the answers
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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