We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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