He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
