She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
