That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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