I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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