im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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