This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
