so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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