Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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