I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
