I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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