I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
