420 ftw
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
