The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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