Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
