I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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