Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
