i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
