he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
