my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
