Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
