I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
