She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
