remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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