something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
