Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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