im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
