; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
