i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're like the curious george of whores
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
