So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
