I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize