it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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