I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
