I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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