Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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