yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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