Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize