just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
