i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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