with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
