wakey wakey hands off snakey
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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