Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pants are for mortals
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
