i permit you to call me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
