How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
