***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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