hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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