meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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