hotel room ftw
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
