Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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