Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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