My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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