We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
