i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
someone owes me an orgasm
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
