walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
