Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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