Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
