??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
