And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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